Make No Little Plans

Sorry for your loss Chris. I know it is tough to lose a family member like that. Sounds like she was the perfect dog for a family.

Ok, time to close this blog down soon. But I'll be back with another soon as 2011 comes to an end and prep for Boston 2012 starts. Coming off such a disappointing marathon result (AGAIN!) in Chicago on October 9, I've been doing a lot more thinking about running than running itself. Like Dave-O, I'm contemplating what I need to do to fix things to get a better 26.2 result but unlike him, I'm definitely not doing Yoga! I thought of maybe pulling a George Harrison and learning some groovy sitar tunes but instead I just kind of tried to figure out what I want out of running and asking myself a bit of why I do it.

And here's what I came up with....today, Jennifer, Cassidy and I ran in a Haloween themed 5K with each of us in costume. Cassidy was a devil complete with horns and tail, Jennifer a witch with a hat that was a good 2 feet tall and I was in a Superman outfit with a long flowing cape. I almost didn't even wear a Garmin because I had no expectations or desire going in to "race" this thing. So it starts out and I do a very comfortable 6:25 (half marathon pace) waving to people who yell out "go Superman!" and just relaxing. More of the same in Mile 2 with a 6:19. But somewhere along the way, it finally hit me....I LIKE running fast and making it hurt. Of course it is all silly and there are hundreds of thousands of runners if not millions who are faster than me....but I like being faster than some and right there with 1.1 miles to go I decided I liked being faster than those around me so I dropped them. 5:50 for Mile 3 and then 5:25 pace for the last 0.1.

Final time was nothing special and a full minute off my PR but I think I figured out what exactly it is I like about running. I like the hard work I have to do in training to get from not bad to a little less not bad. I'm not satisfied with a somewhat arbitray goal of being at "BQ" level in the marathon and so instead I reached that BQ level in 2009 and that day moved the goal to a different arbitrary goal of "Sub3" and I'd move it again if I hit that just as I did before. I actually enjoy the process of struggle,failure and some moments of success needed to push myself towards the hard to reach goals. And I really do like the payoff at moments like today when I can run faster than I would be able to without hard training. I had the same feeling as I ran the final miles of my 1:24 in the Philly half in September where I wasn't killing it and yet I was steadily moving by people who were flaming out at the end of the race. Now, do I like being that same person who is reduced to a walk/jog in the final 10K of a marathon and gets passed by scores of people? No, but the memory of that just drives me to continue to work hard.

I've always been someone who has said I don't really love running. What I've meant by that is that I don't simply enjoy a run for the sake of doing a run. I like trying to stay in shape and I like trying to get faster but I don't love running for just the simple enjoyment of being out there. But the truth is that I do love running - I just love it in a different way than some people. Long story short, I love those moments when sub6 pace feels easy and I know I have to work extremely hard at times in training to experience those moments. There will be moments in training runs where I'm moving at just a GA clip and I'll think "I like that I'm able to do this". Not exactly the same as saying I purely love being out there but I do love when the work done makes the running paces possible or even easy at times. That's enough for me to keep at it.

For those who don't know, Angels & Airwaves is a side project band of one of the Blink 182 guys. One of my favorite songs by them is "Hallucinations" with the beginning lyrics of:

If you look real close
Across the lines and the roads
It is there to decode
What you thought was a ghost
Or a spark to explode
At the start of the show
It's the part you love the most
When your heart will implode

Do you believe in hallucinations, silly dreams or imaginations
Don't go away cause I feel you this time
Don't go away cause I need you there this time

That song comes on a bunch when I'm running and I'll always think of the silly hallucination/dream/imagination it takes in my head to think of myself as "fast" and training for something that actually matters. Because of course it doesn't in the big picture and the world doesn't care if I run a 3:10/3:00/2:50 marathon. It is ultimately just me pushing myself to something that I'm the only one who really cares about. But that "part I love most" is the pushing myself ("heart imploding" and all! although please not literally) to try and improve and I'll use that silly hallucination/dream/imagination to make it important to me and have fun with going for it. Plus now I get to post a Angels and Airwaves song I love running to below so work with me here...

See, and I didn't even need to do Yoga to figure it all out and decide that me and running are good to go! All it took was dressing up in a Haloween costume and running a 5k!

Edit - I can't figure out how to embed the video itself in the post...here's the link:


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Great post, Chris! If you find those races really get you going, then I hope you continue on. I really think you should never run another marathon again - that way, I won't have to watch you blow by me . Kidding aside, those races hurt like hell, but are much more forgiving than the marathon, which, as has been said, is a cruel sport.

Your thoughts really had me thinking - I am about the opposite of you. I love the training and almost dread the races themselves. Not so say I don't enjoy and am gratified at the end of them, but I always get really nervous before them - on the other hand, I love just running. I also concur with the rare but awesome feeling from a seemingly easy but fast run. Sort of like a good day on the golf course when everything clicks. Fleeting moments to be sure, but they do keep us coming back I guess.

Good job with the run - not sure what the Superman costume complete with flowing cape time adjustment would be, but those were good paces anyway. More importantly, that is an awesome experience to have with the kids too - you were definitely one of the cool Dads on raceday!

Well said, my friend. Well said.

Nicely said and thought out, Chris. I'm glad you didn't rush to any conclusion after Chicago. You don't have to be an Olympic runner to have the drive an love for running fast, and outside of the elite races, fast is all relative. I hope to see you at Boston!

Well put for your next move in running. Sometimes our goals overshadow what we love. Also sometimes disappointment brings out success, because you now know what it is to make that success happen. Keep running in those costumes and coming up with great idea's. Your an awesome runner and have fun with loving to do it.

Dave-O wrote:Well said, my friend. Well said.

+1

Wonderful post Chris.
Making the failures as important as the successes is a great perspective, allowing you to love the entire endeavor.
My wife was baffled the other night when I told her that I love running, despite the fact that I don't find it the least bit "fun". I'm not sure if your musings would make it any clearer for her, but it's better than anything I could come up with!

What are you up to these days, my friend?